Saturday, November 15, 2014

A Day in the Life of Joe Teabagger.

Joe Teabagger is an ordinary working class guy.


Every workday, he gets up at 6:00 am like clockwork to prepare his morning coffee. He fills his pot full of good clean drinking water because some liberal fought for minimum water quality standards.


He takes six different pills every day, usually with his first swallow of coffee. The medicines he takes are safe to take and effective because some liberal fought to insure that drugs don’t poison people and that they do what the doctors say they’re supposed to do.


Joe only pays $10.00 for his meds.  The rest of the $1500 a month cost of his medication is paid for by the medical insurance he gets from his job because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance.  Joe gets it too, even though he’s not a union member.


Joe prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs this day. Joe's bacon is free from parasites or food-born bacteria because some liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.



After breakfast, Joe takes his morning shower.  The shampoo he uses is in a bottle that’s properly labeled with every ingredient and the amount of its contents because some liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.


Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some tree hugging liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air.



Since the train station his so close, Joe usually walks rather than drives to catch his ride to work.  The railway he rides into town is subsidized by the government, and it saves him a lot of money in gas and parking fees, not to mention time he doesn’t have to spend out on the congested highways.  This is because some liberal fought for affordable public transportation.



In addition to the medical insurance he gets from his job, Joe enjoys an excellent ray rate, has paid holidays and vacation days, and when he retires will get a really great retirement plan that will keep him from starving in his old age.  This is because some liberal union members fought and died for these working standards.



If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of he has a run of bad luck.


At noon, Joe spends his lunch break at the bank, depositing his paycheck so he can pay his bills.  The deposits he makes are all federally insured by the FSLIC because some liberals decided that we really didn’t need people starving to death in another Great Depression.



Joe also makes a payment on his mortgage, which is held by the Fannie Mae corporation, and on his federal student loan.  He can do this because some idiotic liberal decided that Joe would be better off if he had a decent education, and thus could earn more money over his lifetime.


On the weekend, Joe decides to go visit his mom and dad who live on a farm out in the country.  So he gets into his car and takes the drive.  His car is among the safest in the world, because a bunch of liberals took an interest in car safety standards.


The farm Joe grew up on was originally financed by the Farmers Home Administration and not a bank, because back in the 1930s, when the farm was owned by his grandfather, no bank would issue a loan in a rural area.


In addition, the farmhouse didn’t even have electricity or running water until some big government liberal stuck his fat nose where it didn’t belong.


Joe’s always happy to see his mom and dad, who are both retired.  His parents live on Social Security and dad’s union pension, because some no-account liberal wanted the elderly to be able to take care of themselves.  That way, Joe wouldn’t be burdened with caring for them himself (not that Joe would mind doing so; he’d just have to struggle more than he wants to).


After his visit with his folks, Joe drives back home.  While driving, Joe turns the radio to the Sean Hannity show.  Joe likes Sean Hannity.  He agrees with pretty much everything Sean Hannity has to say.  He especially likes how Hannity says that liberals are bad and conservatives are good.  (Of course, Hannity doesn’t tell Joe that his beloved conservatives have fought against every single protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day.)


Joe agrees with Hannity.  And while driving, Joe says to himself, “We don’t need those big government liberals ruining our lives with their tax-and-spend communism!  After all, look at me!  I’m a self-made man!  Those liberal assholes should get off their butts and take care of themselves, just like I do!”

1 comment:

  1. Damn liberals always looking out for everyone else instead of only themselves

    ReplyDelete